unpublished alpha

Last week, I listened to the Curious Humans podcast featuring Steve March, who discussed the fundamental flaws in self-development. As an enthusiast of personal growth, I was intrigued by this alternative perspective. Steve critiqued the prevalent deficit mindset in self-improvement—where the drive to enhance oneself often stems from feelings of inadequacy (ex. not earning enough or being fit enough). He highlighted how this constant striving can reinforce feelings of not being enough.

A key theme in the conversation was the shift from a self-improvement paradigm to one of self-unfoldment. Steve argued that the pursuit of self-improvement often reinforces a sense of deficiency, whereas self-unfoldment embraces innate wholeness and leads to genuine transformation.

Adopting a poetic attunement to life can be a catalyst to begin the process of unfoldment; the shift towards self-acceptance and growth. A poetic attunement to life involves seeing and experiencing the world, ourselves, and others through a lens of inherent value, beauty, and interconnectedness, emphasizing a deep appreciation for the richness and complexity of life for its own sake. This contrasts sharply with a technological or utilitarian approach, where the focus is on functionality, efficiency, and the usefulness of things and people, often reducing them to mere tools or means to an end. While the technological viewpoint prioritizes outcomes, achievements, and tangible results, a poetic attunement celebrates existence, relationships, and experiences as ends in themselves, fostering a sense of wonder, connection, and fulfillment that transcends practical utility. Unlocking deeper levels of satisfaction and engagement with life hinges on this adjustment.

Rather than forcing or willing actions, I’ll try to embrace letting things unfold naturally. Childhood was a time of effortless trying, free from overthinking. And since childhood I’ve continued to learn that love and likability aren’t forced; they simply happen. Most important things in life happen if you’re open to them. To become more open, I’ll try and view ‘failures’ as essential steps in learning and growth, instead of as setbacks.

The self-unfoldment “path” is non-linear and to “transform” or adapt to this new modality, one can experience different transformation styles—gradual unfoldment, sudden awakening, integration, and beyond.

• Gradual unfoldment involves a steady progression through deeper levels of self-awareness and healing.
• Sudden awakening refers to an abrupt realization or insight that dramatically shifts one’s perspective.
• Integration involves weaving together insights and growth from various experiences into a coherent sense of self.
• The Beyond style suggests an ongoing journey into realms of consciousness and being that defy conventional categorization.

To achieve non-linear personal transformation I’ll be more open to the often unpredictable patterns, random insights, and personal needs that cross my path. Achieving non-linear transformation requires openness to a variety of experiences, a willingness to confront and integrate unexpected truths, and a flexible approach that adapts to an evolving understanding of self and the world. It’s a dynamic process of exploration, embracing both the planned and the spontaneous, the logical and the intuitive, in the journey of becoming.

One example the underscores the dynamic balance in our lives and personal growth is the inhaler vs. exhaler. Just as breathing requires both inhalation and exhalation to sustain life, individuals can embody and navigate between different, sometimes opposing, states, qualities, or actions. For example, one can be both strong and vulnerable, assertive and receptive, or independent and interconnected. There is value in embracing contradictions within ourselves, highlighting that acknowledging and integrating these opposing elements is essential for genuine transformation. This approach challenges the binary thinking often prevalent in self-improvement paradigms.

Holding this dialectic—the ability to acknowledge and integrate these dual aspects—is crucial yet challenging. It requires an acceptance that life and human nature are complex and multifaceted, resisting the urge to categorize experiences or traits as exclusively one thing or another. Or categorically assigning things as successes or failures (just as the “Maybe Good, Maybe Bad” Taosit parable illustrates).

This method promotes a comprehensive self-understanding and a more adaptable, empathetic interaction with the world. It highlights the value of accepting the full spectrum of human experiences, acknowledging that embodying both “inhalers” and “exhalers” across different situations enhances our lives and aids in our development.

I aim to shed more rigid frameworks of achievement and embrace a journey that values the inherent richness of experiences. True growth is non-linear, unpredictable, and complex. The path to personal fulfillment lies in the very process of unfolding.